FIRESIGN.US :: HOME
Trading Floor Humor

Life on the trading floor alternates between periods of frenzied activity and intense boredom. Bored brokers and traders are a mischievous lot who rarely miss the chance to enjoy a laugh at the expense of a fellow toiler in the trading pits. Putting a garter snake in the pocket of a member's trading jacket or a wet sponge on a clerk's chair are staples of trading floor humor. Childish, yes. But such childish pranks help relieve the tension and boredom of life in the “pits.”
More elaborate practical jokes are sometimes concocted.
The victim of one such practical joke was Tom Gaggs, a floor clerk on the Kansas City Board of Trade. Gaggs is a jovial, good-humored sort who constantly makes fun of anyone and everyone in sight. Turnabout qualified as fair play.
Broker Fish Trout was not thinking of practical jokes, however, when he approached Manfred and Hercule Oschner about buying tickets for the Pennsylvania lottery. The Oschner brothers were Value Line locals. They had a sister, Barbara, who lived in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Several people, including Gaggs, chipped in $20 apiece and arrangements were made through the Oschners for Barbara Oschner to buy 140 tickets for the record $120 million drawing.
The day after the big drawing, a FedEx package from Harrisburg was waiting for Trout when he arrived at work. It contained the lottery tickets. He immediately took the package of lottery tickets to a room off the trading floor and checked them for the winning number, reported on television the night before. The $120 million winner was not among them.
Although the investment in lottery tickets did not pay off financially, it did promise to yield some amusement at the expense of a certain floor clerk.
Later that morning, Trout told Gaggs that he was going to check the lottery tickets again to see if they won anything. Instead, Trout took one of the tickets and tossed it in the wastebasket. He then went to Gaggs and said,
"We've got a problem."
He showed Gaggs the lottery tickets. One of the tickets—the one Trout tossed out—was missing from the series of consecutively numbered tickets.
"What do you think happened?" asked Gaggs. He was beginning to sweat.
"I don't know," said Trout, "but the Oschners aren't here."
By chance, the Oschner brothers weren't on the trading floor that day.
Now Gaggs was really beginning to sweat. He was also having dark thoughts about the Oschners.
"Let's not jump to conclusions," said Trout.
At the time, Gaggs spent all day on the phone with Ace Greene, a floor manager for Fairchild Capstone at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. Unbeknownst to Gaggs, Trout had called Greene and enlisted him in Trout's scheme. He suggested Gaggs call Greene and have him get a copy of the Chicago Tribune, which might have a list of the lottery winners.
Gaggs punched the button for the direct line to the Merc. When Greene answered, Gaggs told him to get a copy of the Trib. Greene, playing along with the gag, said, "Okay," and hung up. The minutes ticked by. Gaggs paced the floor, tearing his hair from tension and worry. Finally, Greene called back on Gaggs' line and said,
"I've got a copy of the Trib. What do you want?"
Gaggs asked if there was anything in the paper about the winners of the big Pennsylvania lottery. Greene rattled some papers for effect and said,
"There's a list of them here."
"Read them to me," Gaggs said anxiously.
Greene pretended to read the list of lottery winners.
"John Smith, Mary Blood, Barbara Oschner," and some other name.
"Go back to the one before that," Gaggs said quickly.
"Barbara Oschner."
"Does—does it—does it say where she lives?"
Gaggs was so upset he could barely get the words out.
"It says she lives in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania," Greene replied.
When he heard that she lived in Harrisburg, Gaggs dropped the phone and began pacing furiously back and forth, utterly beside himself. His face turned beet red. The veins stood out on his neck. The hair came out of his scalp by the handfuls. And, of course, he had nothing but the nicest, kindest things to say about the Oschners!
Everyone on the trading floor was laughing up their sleeve while Gaggs was torn between committing homicide or suicide. Finally, when poor Gaggs was about to burst a vein, Trout told him it was all a practical joke.
Such is trading floor humor.